I weep for you, F.L.A. I weep.

Dear Future Leaders of America:
It has come to my attention during work hours at a large-ish University in Atlanta that I must resign myself to the impending Armageddon. Why, you ask? Uh, has reading become a thing of the past? Is it as out of fashion as eating? My daily elevator travails have taken on a level of the absurd as the term 'Express' rings no bells for you, FLAs. Signs that say 'Floors 1 & 7-10 only' might as well be written in a foreign language (one that you have forgotten as soon as your reqs are satisfied). My voice has betrayed me. It's reacted to the need to read by becoming hoarse. It creaks now "this is Express"-- you might not have heard-- if your furious button-pressing is any indication. Unfortunately for me & you, pushing 2 until your finger bleeds will not force the elevator to go your way. Holding the button is also, sadly, not going to get you there. If the button doesn't light up indicating it heard your desire, you are lost-- lost in the parallel world between 1 & 7-10. If you are going down to 1 (by default), you will not be able to change Express' mind on the way back up-- so please, step out of Elevator. Staring forlornly at the panel of buttons will not change Elevator's mind. Giving him puppy eyes & whimpers will get you nowhere. Your now substantially longer visit with Elevator will not reward you with a trip up to 3. Elevator de Express has no loyalty to those that visit with him.

It is remarkable what technology can do these days. Otis would be proud.

--Gaby

Slices of Lifes.

Halloween in Atlanta can be described as The BEST TIME OF THE YEAR (we might lack the same level of stimulation the rest of the year). The humidity gets turned down & the L5P Parade gears up. Lemme edit the original comment & say the L5P Halloween Parade can be described as The BEST TIME OF THE YEAR. Little 5 is Atlanta's answer to the East Village --- or so I'm told yearly by the Atlanta Journal Constitution. I think they use the same line annually so new suburbanites are familiarized with the L5P street cred & become not afraid. It's kind of a joke, since Little 5 has suffered in recent years from a Giuliani-ing so complete, it now has a Starbucks. The old junkies have been replaced by new gutter punks who roll in from the nether regions of "Metro" Atlanta with all the confidence & bravado afforded to those who know they have a comfy place to sleep at night. But I digress.

Halloween kicks ass, but it has come to my attention that the L5P Business Association has complained about some contributions to last year's Parade. They've stated some entries were "too scary." Bad business owners Association. Please do not sanitize the parade for the folks who attend with children. Look, my mom was an frigging Pro at the cover my eyes, cover my ears move. She could bust that shit out in the blink of an eye-- before I had ANY idea I might be about to witness some boobs or something crazy. Learn it, please? Become the link to Moms in the 60s, 70s & early 80s-- they had that shit down. It is like Mom reflex action-- like the arm extend when coming to an abrupt stop in the car.

I googled 'scary halloween pictures' & the Anubis is what I got. That's scary? I guess it is if you are an ancient Egyptian.

--G

We're not selling out, baby.

We're BUYING IN.

Which reminds me - when do we get paid?

-- Diana

Filthy Lucre

Unfortunately, I think beggers can't be choosers when they sell out. So we might be shit outta luck on ad preferences. I don't think shirtless Sulu has the capital to post ads on shit nobody reads anyway. I like to think Sulu is a strategist-- I like to think he only posts his ads on Anderson Cooper 360.


--cause that's where I'd post my ads.

-G

Whores.

Hey, Gaby - how does this ad thing work? When we sign up to let them put ads on here, what if we get a bunch of ads for what's-her-name's new book? Wait, let me go Google "blonde fucktard" real quick -- Ann Coulter! What if we get a bunch of ads for her new book? Do we get veto rights? I want to run ads for stuff like shirtless photos of Sulu and knitting books. Surely you will want to run ads for High-Life and shirtless photos of Dave Chappelle. How do we make this happen?

Also, we should have some way to adopt babies from third world nations, since you correctly pointed out that third world babies are the new Louis Vuitton, and we should quickly jump on the trend.

Thanks for your prompt attention to this matter.

-- Diana

Speaking of late, what the hell am I doing here?

Oh, dear Gaby - when we first met, you were a quiet, observant friend-of-a-friend. Then you busted out the “Arma-ghetto” and won my heart. Now here it is two years later, and we’re Derby Wives ‘Til Death. The next logical step, clearly, is blog co-habitation.

Let's bring it.

-Diana

Last to the Party, y'all.

It should be be no surprise that I would be late. r. ish. on the blogmania (due to location) which is being rewarded maybe. possibly. unlikely. by paid gigs! So in the spirit of the pursuit of the grub divi's & to spare myself hours of product-less computer time, I am joining the game with my smoking hot derby wife. Not to rave about our super fabulous lives in the ATL, but rather so I can dob one more box on the Hipster Bingo Card I have tacked to my nightstand. Yeah, Hipster Bingo, I KNOW so 3 years ago. I'm late on that too (due to location). --Gaby